Shit Gets Real: You're Not Supposed to Talk About Money

I've always been told it's not polite to talk about money and I've mostly ignored that sentiment in my life and have been comfortable doing so. When I was younger, I often thought this "rule" only applied to rich people so others didn't know how much they "had". But now I realize it was also probably to save people from the knowledge of how little they had. Regardless of either reason, I'm REALLY going to talk about it. Like, right now:

This house, this house thishousethishouse. It is getting so close to being liveable. So close. And we are...so broke. The problem with being pretty poor in the first place and buying a house is that you have to find a house that's affordable. And in this case, what was affordable was also...a completely unlivable dump. Hence the construction loan. We will be OK, we really will. RJ has work for the entire winter but hasn't been able to work on the project because he's the main builder for our house. And all he gets from that is sweat equity. We have had SO many people helping, and continue to have help. Creede is great for that. But most days it's just him and me. And I do what I can but sometimes, I just don't have the skill to help. Also, shit happens--the flooring nailer breaks so you have to postpone a certain project. There's a snowstorm and the plumber can't make it. RJ has told me many times, when I've asked for a time frame, that he just can't give me one. There's an approximate goal but it is dependent on so many things working the way they are supposed to and they rarely do. And when you've got one to two people working, this basically fucks up your entire day.

And then, there's me. I'm paying all the bills right now. Alllllllll of them. A little background: Career-wise, I've been lucky over the past three years. Scarily lucky because I have had acting work for 75% or more of the year for three CONSECUTIVE years, which is AHMazing. In theatre, a dream gig is somewhere like Oregon Shakespeare Festival, which pays really well (for theatre) and is, at best, 10 months of employment out of the year. While not (yet!) working at OSF, I have had the privilege to either have jobs that have had co-productions that have extended my contracts. Or, I have had work that all but overlapped. For example, earlier this year I had a job that ended on a Sunday and a new one that started the following Tuesday. Baller!

As an actor, you can start to get comfortable with this sort of thing. And I have made an effort to be so grateful for the work, and to not take it for granted or expect anything. But there is a truly dark and desperate side to this profession. And that is, in the back of your mind--ALWAYS--is the thought (no, the worry) that the jobs will run out and you'll be in a spot where you're not working for a while. For many reasons I have little to no control over, I have currently hit that lovely place called a dry spell. For instance, I'm union and smaller theatres will often take an equally good non-union person over you, or they just don't have the money for the contracts in the first place*.  Also, sometimes you're just not right for a role or a season.  I've done a couple on-camera jobs lately (awesome) but those don't necessarily bring you lots of cash. RJ told me the other day that when he was a kid, he thought that everyone on tv was a millionaire. He now knows that that is rarely true.

All this leads me to the emotional stress of being truly broke for the first time in a loooooong time. When I say broke, I mean almost no savings, no cash, and I'm using my one, low interest credit card for lots of things, which I HATE doing. That thing is for emergencies, not for living.

I'm realizing that one of the reasons I started this blog is to give people a taste of building a house when you have little to no money. And what that is like. What do you have to be creative about to make it work (as Tim Gunn would say). It makes me think about the housing crash a few years ago when people were getting loans with unfixed interest rates that they actually couldn't afford. And the day came when they were utterly screwed, just to get a piece of comfort--a home. We made a huge effort not to fall into that and honestly, in the long run, this house is an incredible investment. The house will be worth more than 3 times what we paid for it and we have a fixed 15 year mortgage that, if we had our normal income, would be quite a reasonable monthly payment.

Now is the fucking hard part. This is the part that causes me to spontaneously cry in the middle of my almost done house. That makes me argue with my partner about time and money and crave the day when I can just. be. comfortable. When I can get up in the morning with my pets and my sleeping husband and have a nice cup of coffee and maybe buy a nice table cloth for the dining room table. I am so tired right now. Tired of knowing that I have $196.87 in my SAVINGS account. Tired of getting up and staining flooring. Tired of trying to be a cheerleader on the job that never seems to end. You think that these projects are going to be so invigorating and exciting. And that they sometimes are. But I can't help fantasizing how this process would be different if I had chosen a career (or a husband with a career) that actually made an average, comfortable living. This has mainly been buffered by the artistic work I've been lucky enough to be paid to do. A lot can be said for the impact emotional and creative riches have on your state of mind. But when you don't have that, life can seem pretty grim sometimes. And I (we) will be okay. It's looking good that I will be back at Creede Rep for the summer/fall next year. And who knows what opportunities will pop up before then. But moving into the holiday season of family and commercialism and giving and receiving, I struggle with my self-worth, my abilities, my...life. This is what it meant, when adults told you as a kid, that being a grownup is hard.

So...send good thoughts, friends. It'll be okay. But being someone trained to live "in the moment," all I want to do right now is scream.

(Update: Today is a better day and I'm back to being pretty excited about things and all that jazz. Plus, I've had lots of kind words from many of you and it's so good to hear. :D ALSO: The plumber is coming this afternoon to hook up the furnace and hopefully the upstairs bathroom. Comfortable pooping commencing soon!)

(Update #2: My husband just texted me, "The furnace is a go!!!" Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!)

Talk to the hand, Life!

 *Drop my union card, you might say. For many reasons this is a terrible idea at this time in my life and I'll explain another time.

I see the light. Sort of. It has paint on it.

Pro.Gress.

I noticed today that my toenails were long. Longer than I'd ever had them. I hadn't noticed it. The majority of my days consist of getting up, taking the dog out, making breakfast, heading to the house to work, coming back home for dinner, zoning in front of the computer, reading (maybe) and falling asleep. Sometimes a good hour or two before RJ comes up. I can't actually remember most of the time, I'm too tired.

Today represented the best and worst of the overall progress. First...The Best: We started painting. Most of it can probably be finished in the next few days. One of the processes you go through for just plain, painted walls is: 1) drywall 2) drywall tape the seams 3) 2-3 layers of mud, which you sand smooth after it drys so you have a smooth wall. A reason why a lot of houses have textured walls is because it's easier to hide the imperfections of this process. 4) prime 5) paint. Some of the walls need some touching up with the mud (which has to dry and be sanded) before I can prime and paint them. BUT. Our ceiling downstairs is pretty much done except for a quick second coat. And it's a glorious color called brandywine (kind of a jewel color of red and purple). We had an early idea to wallpaper the ceiling but good/cool wallpaper is around $30 a roll. And a single roll doesn't go very far so it just wasn't in the budget. A colorful wall is a great and cheap way to mix things up.

The Worst: The downstairs wood flooring. It's different from the upstairs blue stained pine that I was sanding and staining. RJ got it from a friend of his who had been sitting on it for many years and decided to let us use it. It is very narrow and it took 2-3 guys about 3 1/2 hours to get not even 5 feet across. It'll look great but it'll take days to put it all down and our house isn't even that big. And we most likely won't have three people working on it either. Dammit to hell. And once it's all laid down it has to be sanded, stained and polyurethaned. 

Woah...could it be Sunday already? I actually fell asleep before finishing this blog post. That's how I roll lately folks. And now...it's the Broncos game and I'm a wee drunk. Here's some pictures. PEACE!

See you guys, I do actually do stuff.

Beginnings of the downstairs floor.

The crazy ceiling color. It looks way more pink in this photo.

Work it.

FLOOR!

Someday my furniture will come...

It's the Little Things

The upstairs is beginning to come together.

As the Broncos game rages on in the background, I am actually excited at all the little things we've gotten done this week. I also worry that I've lost my sense of humor and that all my blog is now is reporting what we do, which is what I WANT to do, but in a unique way. I'm just so tired right now and still overwhelmed with what we still have to accomplish before moving in in less than two weeks. Plus, building this house, while exhilarating, is like having PMS every day. Have I mentioned that already? Oh fuck, I don't even know what day it is. But I digress...

Things that happened this week that may or may not be exciting to you in any way: Flooring went in upstairs in the bedroom and closet area and today I put polyurethane on most of the bedroom plus a second coat in the bathroom. (I won't mention the lovely buzz I got from the fumes, oh crap I just did. I'm totally fine, Mom.) It's pretty cold in the house since the furnace isn't quite hooked up yet, though I'm happy to report that the house does not lose heat overnight which is a HUGE improvement over the cabin we currently live in. So, due to the fact that it's right around 45 degrees in the house consistently, the polyurethane was the consistency of honey. So it was like putting down a double coat in just one! Craptastically, I still have about a 4'x10' rectangle to go. With it being Sunday, the hardware won't be open until tomorrow to restock. So I must wait for the completion. Daaaaah, completion!

Ready for polyurethane!

This weekend RJ worked on the flooring and trim while I cleaned, sanded and stained, and put in some random insulation. But I'm a pro now, so it ain't no thing. I moved some things around in the tiny garage (aka the work shed) and semi-organized--well, I just made room to put more crap into it. I cleaned out the shell of the guest bedroom  downstairs and decided that, yes, it's going to be a nice, cozy little place to rest your weary head.

Other adult crap that made me gizz in my pants a little: I ordered some brand new sheets and towels. We only have a couple of old sets of sheets so I thought treating ourselves to a nice new set would be...nice. I also bought us half a dozen towels. When I actually thought about how many of the towels in the cabin are actually ours, I realized that out of about a dozen...it's maybe three. New house, new towels. And I don't actually have the money to buy these luxury items but dammit, I've been living in itchy, dusty, dirty clothes and hiding my unwashed hair in my large fuzzy hat, so I can have some plushy towels if I damn well want them!

Oh, but there's more! I never thought I would like shopping for lighting and plumbing fixtures, but I DO. It's yet another way, that's much more satisfying than Pinterest because it's not a fantasy, to actually visualize what everything is going to look like. My email is filling up with order notifications from Faucet Direct and Home Depot.

And while we speak, I just won a five piece set of used Le Creuset cookware for less than $100 with shipping! Le Creuset is an incredible French cookware company that makes delicious looking pots and pans that are also VERY expensive. So getting a five piece set for a third of the price of a single pot is pretty baller.

My badass husband made these crooked walls look so fine.

So...my shit internet is taking forever to upload anything significant, so I will do it tomorrow. There aren't many photos that I haven't posted on facebook lately, but I'll do it here anyway. For my people.

(Update: the pictures are up!)

The bathroom is going to be awwwwesome.

Update #2. We used a neighbor's one hundred year old wood to make the wall going up the stairs. It looks pretty fly!

In closing and off topic, this is Coco. 

Coco Vovant (Josh Lamon)

And one of the funniest 10 minutes I've spent in a while. Enjoy.

An Element of Design

The upstairs is getting close, so close! This week is all about trim and flooring as I attempt to keep RJ supplied with sanded, stained wood. I should specify that a particular part of the upstairs is taking FOREVER. It's the master bedroom--also the area that has wonky-ass, crooked shit ALL over the dang place. So each piece of trim has to be custom cut, placed, and manipulated so it looks...not crooked.

Detail.

This is looking up. There will be four angles that look like this, meeting at the top.

RJ is on his third day of this sodding trim and I'm about to pull my hair out. Not because he's slow, (and it looks SO COOL), but because it takes a ridiculous amount of time to get everything placed right so that you fool the eye into thinking you see a straight line. I am getting to the point where I have to see progress and if I don't, I have a mild panic attack. BUT, I have been assured that the downstairs--being all right angles--and even the upstairs addition, will go extremely quickly. And the great news is that other than a few pieces of trim and baseboard in the upstairs bathroom, it is pretty much done and ready for the plumber to come in and hook everything up. We are also painting the main part of the claw foot tub black. OMG, an actual stylistic element!

Another Pinterest Inspiration. (Photo by: Brittany Ambridge)

 

 

This above picture is of a Manhattan apartment complete with $300 rug. Ha. Hahahahaha. Anyway, we'd originally wanted to go with some subway tile in the upstairs bath, but ultimately decided (and going with what supplies we already had--something RJ is brills at doing) on painted tongue and groove on the walls, a wall of cedar to back the tub, blue stained pine on the ceiling, and dark stained wood flooring.

The painting of the tub.

The Claw Feet! They kinda look like busts of a lady up close.

The floor of the bathroom, the cedar siding used the wall behind the tub.

I don't even want to start on the downstairs. It's got most of the drywall up, but is mainly just a workspace for cutting, sanding and staining. And once again, that will be the easy part...once we get to it.

And now: Angry Crutches Game Face: Sanding Edition!

For those who don't know, Angry Crutches Game Face started last year after I got my hip surgery and was starting on my PT and damn sick of my crutches. This type of selfie has come to represent: "things that are sucky, but by god you're gonna get that shit done!"