Use Me and Abuse Me, Just Don't Confuse Me

November was all about gratitude. But thankfully that month is over and we can begin to think about all the useless things we want, go out and spend more money than we have to continue to make this country great. Screw being thankful, I want a gingerbread latte!

But seriously, folks. As we move into the last month of the year, progress on the house is palpable. And this is pretty awesome.

Something that is starting to resemble a yard. 

Don't get me wrong, it's got a looooooooong way to go. But RJ has been balancing nicely the paying work with our house work. And with the clever installation of some florescent lights, he can work an hour or so past dark until it gets too cold to work comfortably.

Lighting without real lights! Or something...

Now Kate, you may ask, what are YOU doing to contribute to this home project of the century? Well, gentle readers, at first not very much. I'm not sure if I mentioned that back when we were just sniffing around the notion of purchasing this "house", RJ wouldn't even let me go inside. I walked around it and peered in through some cracked windows, but the house was pretty hideous. As I know I've mentioned, the previous tenant was a major hoarder and had let the house go into complete disrepair, except for a new roof--a project he must have undertaken during a period of self-motivation and sobriety.

Anyone need any styro insulation? Just kidding we need it all. (PS. I moved it all upstairs. Superstar!)

Also, when most of the clear out was happening, I was up in Boulder for the summer. RJ would send occasional photos of the filled up roll offs, and I briefly saw the work in progress when I came into town to close on the house. But honestly, I had just hit a deer with my car and was slightly distracted. I still went through the process of "smudging" the house--the hippie side of me was thrilled--to get all the sick, alcoholic, bitter, hoardingness out of the place. But this feat was achieved mostly by RJ's gutting the house of pretty much all of its former identity. I heard RJ tell someone recently that he only left six original studs--whatever that means--obviously coming from the phrase, "stripped down to the studs." But you may be surprised to hear, I don't actually know everything about everything! (Crazy, I know.)

When I returned to Creede in early August, RJ would ask me to help with certain things and I would instantly turn into a 6 year old, stomp my feet, pout and say butIdonwanna! This was mainly because I was so burnt out from the last year of almost constant out-of-town work (which in November I would have said I was grateful for but it's December now, so fuck that noise!) that I wanted to sit on my couch and do absolutely nothing before I was forced to sit on the couch and do absolutely nothing because of the hip surgery. I wanted to choose to do nothing, dammit! So, I reluctantly did a few things, like take nails out of boards and promptly step on one. USEFUL!

I also think part of the problem was coming home and seeing the huge mountain we would have to climb in order to get this house liveable. It really did seem out of reach. I know RJ was working on it when he could, but the house still looked like total ass. It looked like it might fall down if the wind hit it wrong. There were years worth of dust, old wallpaper, mouse shit, decaying carpet and wood just...out there. And it was gross. I don't claim to not be a city girl because that I surely am. But I also won't admit to being a girly-girl either. But this grossness was just sad. It made me sad. And I didn't want to have anything to do with it.

But that's changing:

This is peaking upstairs from the stairwell.

Blocking off the back of the house for eventual addition replacement.

There's a floor upstairs!

After a couple months of no work on the house, RJ has been spending at least a few hours a day on it. There's a second floor that's sturdy, a bottom floor that's sturdy. There is something resembling a front yard, clear of all the old broken down crap and wood storage, new windows, and yesterday, a wall that will eventually become the downstairs bathroom. Holy Fucking Awesome! And I too have been motivated. Even though I am unskilled labor, my primary tasks have been to clean up and organize. Play to your skills, right? This has actually been extreeeeeeemely satisfying. Because with every pile of old crap I throw in the dump trailer, new things can start happening. It doesn't take too long, gives me a little workout and RJ doesn't have to deal with it, so he can spend that hour creating a wall out of nothing.

Wall to future downstairs bathroom. Magic!

Why this change of heart? Part of it is because I've been out of work for almost four months. And living in Creede with nothing to do in the winter is quite difficult. I get the itch to go up to Denver every couple of weeks and, luckily, I have been able to escape either for auditions or hip doc appointments. But a feeling of uselessness has begun to take over and it's been great to channel this into our house. I needed to channel something into it because I think RJ was starting to think there was something wrong with me and my attitude. And he was right.

I just thought this looked awesome. Whoa, whoa, WHOA! Let this photo represent my attitude adjustment. (Though, you may need a Knox liberal arts degree to figure it out.)

Next year, it's looking like several months of acting work will be had and this excites me to no end. I still feel like the career I have chosen is my path in life. It still excites me and fulfills me in ways I can't explain. But as this four month recovery comes to an end, I am also reminded of the challenges this career presents to one's life and my slightly odd situation. It really is all about balance. If you spend too much time at home, you feel useless and unfulfilled. Yet, if you work too much, you can become disconnected from the things that balanced you in the first place. So, in the coming year(s), I look forward to finding a better mix of work and Colorado mountain home life. There IS a way to do it. I know it. Right...?

Now...Everyone DANCE!