Comedy Tonight: Or, how to build a house, put on a musical and shape young canine minds in a single bound

To say the last three weeks have been eventful would be a raging understatement. In a few short weeks, I have rehearsed and opened the first musical I've been in in over ten years, mostly finished the outside of the house and added a year old pup/dog named Dorky to the Mann family. (The Mannmily?)

But first thing's first: Holyfuckingshittheoutsideofthehouseislikeumdone! Pretty much. We still have some painting and trim to complete as well as shingling the top of the porch, painting it, etc. But the huge stuff is done. The cedar siding, the caulking, the priming, the painting, the porch concrete and construction is DONE. And yesterday, insurance supposedly stopped by to take photos and hopefully did not run away screaming in horror--which is what they would have done a year, or even a month, ago. It's been three weeks of RJ and me spending every free hour of daylight putting this place together. All I hear in my head is that kid's voice after an X-Files episode saying, "I made this!"

I have made many kinds of pies, I have made art and I have made theatre, but I have never made a house. My house. And even though the battle is only about a third of the way done, a huge phase is complete. Made possible by my husband, self, and many friends who gave an hour/day to us--painting, putting up siding, or just cleaning up. What can you say to that? How can you adequately thank someone? Yes, yes, beer is always good, but it's just a darn nice thing to do. So, to all our amazing and helpful friends: Thank YOU!

Beginnings of a porch

Side View

The West Side. Formerly Known As: The Ugly Side

What is left to do on this dear old house of ours you may ask? Well, a lot. We are still waiting to hear from the bank appraiser about when they can come and check it out. Once they do, they will appraise what the property will be worth once it is totally complete. That will determine what the interest rate will be on either a refinance with a construction loan or an equity line of credit. Both would serve the same purpose--getting the house liveable by the fall. We still need plumbing and electric. We need to tear off the very back of the house, which is pretty much all that remains of the previous tenant's sty of filth. RJ will then build the framework for a slightly larger addition that will eventually contain a mud/laundry room, downstairs second bedroom and upstairs third bedroom/man cave. Once the framework is in place we can put in plumbing, since it will be easier to do that all at once even if it takes a while for the addition to be completed. Electric, walls, flooring, appliance installation, wall paper/paint, furniture, etc. I'm sure I'm forgetting something but it's a hell of a lot.

And somewhat daunting. But FINALLY when you look at this house, it looks like it's loved. It no longer looks like an ill person neglected it or forgot about it. The brilliant thing about the insurance agent coming to take photos is that they don't go inside. They take photos of the outside. You don't even need you to be home. So there is something to be said for good curb appeal. We have been told by a banker friend that this can even help your appraisal. It just gives non-builders a better idea of what things will look like. It's helping the imagination along. And you know what...even to a builder or, like, me, it helps to create a picture of what things can and will be. As Peter Gibbons says at the end of the movie, Office Space, "Fuckin' A."

As it stands now

But on to the dog! We now have a year old Australian Shepard, possible Border Collie mix named Dorky. Dorky came to us from a friend of RJ who loves dogs, but is newly single and a chef. Therefore he was easily gone for up to 12 hours a day. That--combined with a working dog's need for stimuli, running and companionship--is a recipe for bad puppy behavior. The good news: Dorky is well trained, house broken and sweet as hell. The not as good news: He is a puppy and gets you up early in the morning full of energy for, well, stuff. He also chews on things he should not be chewing on. RJ and I had been talking for a while about getting a new puppy. It's been almost two years since Candy died and Buford is quite old for a Mastiff and showing it. We had hoped to get a new pup shortly after moving into the new house. But, as most dog and cat rescuers know, these animals tend to choose you, whether you are ready for them or not. I have never had a puppy and I am proud to say that I like it. Buford is, as RJ says, his own dog. Meaning that though he likes human companionship, he isn't necessarily super interactive. We got him halfway through his life, he doesn't play much and isn't terribly active (typical Mastiff). Dorky aims to please. His connection to us is real and palpable. He needs us and has already bonded to us very quickly. I've never had that.

And speaking of new things, there is that musical I'm a chorus member in: A Funny Thing Happened On The Way To The Forum. All I will say about it is that it's a silly skit--full of vaudeville, commedia stereotypes, dumb women and manly men. And it is more fun on stage than I've had in years.

The Dork

Holy (SWEAR WORD)

I've been wanting to write a blog post for the better part of the week and now it's the beginning of a new week and I can barely keep my eyes open to type. But I NEED to get it OUT! I started this particular draft almost a week ago, after we had learned we better get a move on the outside of the house to help the whole refinance plan come together. After not quite a week, the front is pretty much done, except for some final painting and the actual front door to be hung--both of which we'll be doing tomorrow (if I don't collapse). And even though the rehearsal process for me has been fairly light this week, pretty much every free moment of daylight has been spent getting this house ready for its insurance photo shoot. And after tomorrow, another light rehearsal day, shit get craaaaazy. As they say.

So, let's go back in time a few days when the painting had yet to begin, and the smell of cedar was still fondly on my mind and in my nose.

I'm not sure if there is a smell more satisfying and nostalgic for me than cedar siding, though onions cooking in butter gives it a run for the money. My mother used to give me these cedar eggs to put in my top dresser drawer as a way to keep moths away and also to give off a nice fragrance. When they were brand new, the smell was so strong and amazing. I mean, hey, nothing else smells quite like cedar. As the weeks went by, the smell would begin to disappear. Sometimes I would take a piece of sandpaper and sand the egg to release more fragrance. So every time I smell cedar I think of my mother and my underwear drawer (you guys, that's totally not gross).

Now our entire house is in the process of being covered in cedar.

Cedar is one of the most expensive wood sidings you can get. It's known for being water resistant and durable as well as containing no knots, which can cause all sorts of problems when the wood is so thin, so...there aren't any. Siding must be measured constantly so it fits around windows and doors and in between those things and the edge of the house. But once you get everything cut, it goes up very quickly. RJ and I put up the entire 1st floor front siding in only a few hours over two days.

This is additionally satisfying for two reasons. One is that this job is something I can actually do. I like to leave the cutting up to RJ, as it can be very precise and he's had tons more experience with it. I don't want to shave something too short and waste anything. But I can put it up. I can even use a dang nail gun! (Yeah, you heard me.) Two: Putting up siding makes the house look...real and finished. The inside still has a long way to go, though the electric is being roughed in upstairs thanks to a friend of RJ who used to work as an electrician.

The paperwork is proceeding for the refinance, which is incredibly exciting and if this keeps up, things will be getting DONE! Take THAT, Mr. Appraiser!

But wait...what's this?! I'm rehearsing a musical?! Luckily I have not been called much in the last couple of days, so I've had time for house shenanigans, but I won't soon...have time. And for the first time since buying this house a little over a year ago, this makes me sad. I think of this house all the time. The possibilities, the progress.

And oh...progress it did. Siding, then caulk to fill in the tiny gaps between the siding and windows/doorframe/side of house. Caulk comes out of another type of gun and is tedious and messy until you do it for hours and then finally you aren't SO embarrassed about your lack of skills (yesiamtalkingaboutme). Then on to primer, and finally...paint.

As the siding went up, we tested some color. We'd originally wanted red, but then RJ thought that because the roof is green, it would look too Christmasy. So we thought maybe a dark grey with a colorful door. But we just couldn't get that RED out of our minds! So we did a patch test. Our particular red goes on very pink, but dries much darker, almost like a barn red, which is what we wanted. Even with the green roof, which actually has some browns and reds in it too, it looks really great and exciting. I've been attempting to take photos every evening when we finish and most of them I've posted on Facebook. But I'll post them again here.

On Saturday I came back to the house in between rehearsals and RJ had decided to do what RJ sometimes decides to do and put some "flourish" on the house. I may have found a man that is only .000001% gay, but that gay comes out in his wood flourish (yes, I know that sounds dirty--you are WELCOME). I just wish the gay would come out more stereotypically, like folding the laundry or doing the dishes. BUT I DIGRESS.

Now that the front is almost finished, work on the two other sides can begin and should take a heck of a lot less time because of fewer windows and doors and therefore less siding to custom cut. Jesus, it's a lot, but damn is it satisfying. When you stand back at the end of each day and look at what YOU made, it's damn good.

Damn good.

RJ was nice enough to pose while putting up the siding.

Beginnings.

Color. We likey.

RJ doin' what he do. This is above the top window.

Almost...there...

Just after I took this picture we painted over the aqua wood on the front of the roof with an off white as well as the bottom board under the door.

On the Cusp

So, here I am, sitting at my dining room table early in the morning on a rainy day that is fast becoming a rare rainy week in Creede. My coffee mug is full and so is my brain. The new Creede Rep season is around the corner and starts this coming Tuesday. And just this past Tuesday morning I sent in a loan application in order to refinance the house with a construction loan that will allow us to finish the house faster than the current snail's pace. We are attempting this for a few reasons: We bought directly from the owner last year and currently have only a five year mortgage. The idea was to refinance ASAP before rates go up. The construction loan will allow us/RJ to do a bunch of work at once, allowing him to focus mostly on the house, with a day or two a week spent on paying work.

This is truly being an adult. And this stresses me out. Maybe because both my mother and father did not own property until well into their 40s. Maybe because I've moved around so much in my life (hell, I still do!), it's difficult for me to think of one place as being "home."

In terms of a house loan, we are not asking for a ton of money. We got the house for very cheap and put a nice chunk down on it. But we are also both independent contractors and I don't work in the world's most high paying profession.

I won't bore you with woe is me, an actor's life is hard, blahblahblah. I actually considered deleting this post after rereading the first paragraph. Money stuff is strange. It's oddly personal. It's a little bit like bowel movements. We all have them but somehow keep trying to cover up the fact that we do.  All I'm asking for is good house vibes to be sent. Cause...this is major stuff.

But on to the AWESOME things to share: We bought new cedar siding for the house which will hopefully go on in the the next couple of weeks. Since it's probable that we will have to get the house appraised by the bank, we decided to invest in making the outside look stellar. Apparently that can go a long way even if the inside is still in major construction mode.

RJ also got some tongue and groove wood for the upstairs free from a friend. I'm sure he bartered something, hopefully not a pet or a future child. I destroyed my grip pulling nails out of said wood the other day. I now have a deeper appreciation for RJ's daily labors. And I am also looking into acquiring work gloves from the hardware store. My little feminine hands are still aching with joy.

In closing, (no pun intended) stuff is definitely happening though still slowly. And we'd love to light a fire under the ass of this whole process and hopefully my portfolio (HA!!!!) will allow us to do so. May the credit gods shine on all that is right and good.

And now. A dumb picture of a cat.

Facebook and Unrest and Blogging...OH MY!

I am currently doing something I've been contemplating doing for months now. I am taking a break from Facebook. It was motivated by all of the Boston bombing "coverage". Or should I say 5% reporting of facts and 95% speculation. (Way to go, 24 hour news channels--I am DONE with you). Because of Facebook, I couldn't just choose to go to sources I trust for facts on my own time, I had to see everyone's constant thoughts about it.  I couldn't escape it. It was like a play by play from people who are watching a game from underwater. And all of this madness, frankly, disgusted me. So, I disconnected. I didn't have a plan or specific length of time I thought would be right to be away, I just...stepped away. It was casual. My "be back in <blank>" sign on the shop door.

In the not quite 48 hours of this fb break (yes, I'm counting), some questions and emotions have already come to the surface. Quandaries too. Like, how do I advertise to friends who read my blog that I have written another blog post??? Do I go on facebook for 30 seconds and post it or just email the link to my handful of people I know are regular readers? And how strict is this facebook fast to be?

I am a self proclaimed facebook addict. It has been a pretty regular part of my life since I started to prefer it over the dying MySpace in 2007. I liked the socialistic nature of Facebook. Everyone had the same page! It was more about the creativity of the person and less about trying to one up someone else on "style". I use this term loosely. One of my biggest pet peeves with MySpace was that you could decorate your page with this disgusting "wallpaper" that was 99% uglyasfuck and made scrolling extremely difficult. My boyfriend at the time had one of these hideous wallpaper things and it was horrible. There are reasons we didn't last.

Another thing I like about fb other than its ease of use is that it makes it really easy to stay in touch with friends who aren't in your community. That friend in high school you always wanted to know more about? Bam! Reconnecting with an ex who was a great person and recently got married? Yay! And as an actor, you meet people from all over the country, especially working at a summer rep company. Want to keep in touch with these awesome folks on a regular basis? KaBLAM Facebook!

Facebook is so integrated into our culture that it has become its own social "place". This was all in Zuck's master plan I'm sure. And I mean really--how do you make a billion dollars off a product? Make something people cannot live without.

Realizations since living without fb: I realize how much I use fb to seek approval. Even though I love sharing photos and thoughts instantly--it makes your friends feel as though they are right there with you--I can't help but feel like I'm also asking those friends to "approve" of what I'm doing. To like it. To take the time to comment on something. I start to obsess over silly questions I thought I'd worked out years ago: Am I interesting? Am I funny? Am I unique? Is this too many cat pictures? How do I stand out in all this sameness, which is one of the things I LIKED about fb in the first place?! Perhaps it's because I appreciate clever words and artfulness, that if you CAN rise above telling me that you did laundry today, you are worthy enough to be my friend. Or one I pay attention to. But WAIT, that means it's like junior high all over again but without the titty twisters and kicks in the pants. Gross!

And Jesus, seriously?!?! Am I honestly putting this much thought into stupid Facebook? If I'm going to be over-thinking a social networking site I might as well just resume the addiction, right? Well...there are some benefits. I'm NOT, constantly asking for approval.  (Yes, yes, yes, you could argue that's why I write my blog. Though I honestly believe even if no one ever read it, I'd still feel good. So there.) I have read more, started to work on some audition pieces and the shows for this summer. I've spent more face to face time with my husband instead of running off to fb land every time the conversation lulls at home or in the car. I feel less like I'm multitasking my life and that my attention span is slowly (or quickly) dying. There is a sort of peace to this facebookless life.

I recently took a trip back to Chicago and met up with my best friend, Rebecca, to reconnect with family and friends. It was an insane week of face to face contact but also SO GREAT to actually see these people I'd only been following on the world wide web. One of these friends I had not seen in FIVE years. Though I'd witnessed how her life had changed online, her marriage and the birth of her 16 month old son, it was brilliant to just SEE her for 45 minutes and catch up one on one without a keyboard in between us.

On the trip, Rebecca and I talked some about the age of smartphones and social networks. She says that no one is bored anymore and that's not a good thing. It's actually not good for your brain to not experience boredom. You don't get to process anything because you are constantly distracting yourself with something. And though I detailed the Chicago trip on my page to some extent, I wasn't on all the time. Like...well, like normal.

Now, I'm not convinced to let go of it all together. I still like Facebook. I really do. Maybe this is an unexpected lesson about not using the site to lift up my self-esteem. That what I choose to post is what I choose to post and who cares who "approves".  Pretty basic adult stuff. That said, I really do appreciate why people delete their accounts or still don't have one. It really can be a time suck and a way to (godhelpus) not be bored. But overall, I think fb and I get along really well.

I'm not sure when I'll be back, probably pretty soon and probably briefly to post this blog link--I mean, seriously, who am I to assume anyone reads my ramblings. But perhaps I'll feel better about taking more breaks in the future. Maybe I'll even call it a vacation. Or maybe even finding my boredom again.

See you soon, gentle readers.

Cleaning House: The Spring Cleaning Cleaning Edition. Cleaning

I ventured to Creede for a couple of days this past Monday. It was my first time back since the end of December. And I have now given in to the fact that whenever I come home after time away, I have to clean. Like, HAVE TO. RJ does his best, but his best isn't MY best. Godblesshim he tries and he usually gets the kitchen and the bathroom in a decent state and starts some laundry. But he is a dusty man with a dusty profession, living in a dusty mountain town. So, he gets used to there being a certain level of dingy, dustiness everywhere. When I come home, there is a layer of said dusty dinginess everywhere--floor, tables, chairs, on the dog, on the cat. Thus begins, what I am just now realizing, is an obsessive ritual of coming home and immediately cleaning.

On this most recent trip home, I discovered that this process reconnects me with my living space. And my deep seated control freak. I like to touch things, to make them mine again. Perhaps it's like dogs or cats peeing to mark their territory, but it smells much better. Until this is done, I have a hard time relaxing. Now, I am not a neat freak--past roommates can attest to this. But there is a level of clean and organization that I prefer and thrive on. If I clutter things, it is MY clutter and I will take care of it. Eventually. But before I start, it is RJ's clutter. His bachelorhood back in full, glorious form.

This process of cleaning starts right after I kiss and hug him hello. He often says things like, "hey, come hang out with me," "Let's go eat," or, "you can do that later." And I can, but I'd really rather not. Until it's clean. CLEAN.

But this leads me to what I'm presently good for on the House-in-Progress--known from this point on as the HIP. Ha. See what I did there? Full circle, Bitches. My actual hip will just be known as my hip. Anyway.

The weather has been decent in Creede recently and with the extra hour of daylight, RJ has begun to work on the HIP for 2-3 hours after he's done at his Jobby job just outside of town. A day or so before I came home, he texted me this photo:

Room with a view.

AH! No wall! On the second floor! Woah! One of the salvageable details of this house was the roof. It is only a few years old and in great condition. The other walls...not so much...as we have seen from previous work on the first floor. In working upstairs recently, RJ discovered that the wall was in pretty bad shape, so he tore it out and put it back together. 

Other current progress: 

Wall that will separate the kitchen area (on the left) from the dining area (on the right).

This was halfway built back up on Monday and he has since built the rest up. Yay!

In the almost five years I have been in a relationship with a construction guy, I have seen how messy construction sites get. And I mean, MESSY. Like, Holyshitareyouserious messy. And this is pretty universal. Most smaller time contracting folks just don't have the employees or time to keep things clean all the time, so who gets to do this kind of work? Unskilled laborers like me. Oh these guys can do it, but why waste their skilled hands on picking up crap in the yard when I can do it with some enthusiasm and purpose. 

Here is a view from out the upstairs window of what I took on Tuesday morning: 

Total annihilation! 

I should have gotten another photo to show the actual size of the pile from the ground. This was the remnants of an entire wall of a house. And with the little construction skill I have--most of it consisting of theatrical strikes and changeovers--this is how I contribute. By cleaning this up. So I did. And I liked it. I can put my headphones on, get a workout and satisfy my need to clean. And I actually noticed a big difference from doing this months ago when I was still in hip recovery-mode. It didn't tire me out like it did last winter. It actually invigorated me. I could have kept going on the inside but there was no more room on the dump trailer. And hey, it WAS my day off for Pete's sake.

Additional progress you can't see here: RJ put insulation in the walls downstairs and built inner walls all around the downstairs. It's pretty much prepped for our electrical friend to come in and wire it for us, while RJ helps him. Woot! And while giving me a tour of the upstairs, which is to be the master bedroom, I started to actually VISUALIZE where things would be--really see it and not just in a vague, blurry picture in my mind. And it's going to be so cool and unique! We will have a bathroom attached with a claw foot tub! Storage space and a built in office area for me with built-in bookshelves. The power of home ownership and hell, home CREATION is a very real thing now. 

But truly, one of the greatest perks to building a house in Creede, CO is that the community is on your side. RJ and other small time builders like him truly help each other out. The man-hours that would cost someone $80-$120 an hour in a city don't exist here. They are traded for help on the other person's house. And these guys know where to scavenge to find cool wood to use, or appliances, insulation and most importantly, TIME. It is like we are able to briefly witness life without the capitalist umbrella controlling everything.

It is hard for me to not want to jump head first into using every idea I ever had on Pinterest for this house and as RJ has to constantly remind me...we're not there yet. Some things will have to wait simply because we can't afford it or it is an embellishment that will happen after we get moved in. Because that really is the goal right now--to make the house liveable and functional. And as I've said before, the journey is a long one. Especially on the income we have and the time available to work on it. But we'll get there. As Patience has said to me more than once, "Suck on it, Berrymin." And in response, I will joyfully clean. Until I get to paint gradated stairs. Someday...

Photo by Jonny Valiant via Real Simple

Veering Off The Path. Vagina.

Hey. Hi. Hello. I've been off the blog ship lollipop for a while and for all five of my readers, I'm sure the time has been spent chewing fingernails and drinking too much. I'm sorry. Bad News: Not much progress on the house to report. Though RJ just left Denver with a huge amount of insulation for the downstairs, so that's happening. Hopefully much more news to come as the days get longer and it gets up higher than 28 degrees during the day in Creede. Good News: I've been away from home because I've been working in my chosen artistic profession. And I'm still working in it presently, which is really great. Especially since, apart from philosophy, theatre is one of the most laughed at majors in North America.

That said, I started getting the urge to blog again not because of the lack of house progress or a deep need to share what I auditioned for last week, but because I have become a fierce lover of that show everyone is tired of talking about...Girls. And it's my blog, so I can write whatever I want. YES.

Girls is the new(ish) show on HBO written and created by twenty-something writer, Lena Dunham. She has been supported and criticized at both ends of the spectrum and everywhere in between. Google her and you will find more information than you could ever want. I have now seen every episode of the show to date. Some I like, some I like a lot, and some I've forgotten about. The show has made me laugh out loud on numerous occasions--and that is rare. But what has interested me most in all of this is the surrounding talk itself. And I'm just going to come out and say that I think Lena Dunham's show and voice--as she has said is somewhat an extension of her life--has brought to light that we are still a staggeringly misogynistic first world country. Now stay with me here...

This post is not meant to be a further discussion of the criticism of her being privileged. Her parents are visual artists in NYC. I don't know how much money they make and I really don't care. I'd never heard of them and I doubt most of the queefknockers who reamed her for it had either. As for her getting a show because she may or may not be privileged in a business where 80%??? or more of the success is about who you know or being connected to the right people...SO WHAT?!

I am soon entering my late 30s. Though it was not so long ago that I was in my 20s. And that decade was extremely influential in my life. This show still interests someone like me because it is, I believe, a huge step forward in the voices of women. Yes, yes, blah, blah, we've heard it all before. BUT, I think this whole Girls thing is so divisive because Lena Dunham is just honestly a normal young woman in America. Normal in every sense of the word. She is college educated, she is a little weird, she is awkward, she is not 100lbs nor is she 250lbs, she is tattooed, she is a pleasant looking person who looks like a lot of women we all know. She likes to take her clothes off and I fucking love it. She is self involved, yes--another frequent criticism of the show. But, anyone who says they weren't self involved at 24 is LYING. And, you know, the fact that there has been so much fat shaming talk. Talk that so and so actor is out of her league (for her to be fucking on the show). Talk that she should literally just shut the fuck up, shows me that this country is still super frightened of vaginas that want anything. And that is AWESOME.

I would like to point out that I, personally, have not experienced what I thought was rampant sexism in my life. I never grew up thinking I couldn't do something, or that I had to be married to be important. I am pro-women, for equality for both sexes and all sexualities. I am pro-choice and proud of it. I played sports and studied what I wanted to study. (Good job, Mom!) I have also felt confident in my career. Though I haven't reached 50, when roles for women go bye bye. I embrace androgyny. I have felt mostly like a person for most of my life, not a sex. And I really enjoy being a woman sometimes.

But what really got my panties in a bunch about this whole thing was the most recent episode I'd caught this past Saturday. It was a departure from the normal show format, which tends to follow four women in and out of happenings in their lives. In this case, there were only three speaking characters in the entire episode. One of them was guest star, Patrick Wilson, her lover for the episode which chronicled a short-lived fling. It basically summed up most of the relationships I had in my twenties in one, half hour show. Is that sad? Maybe, but it's true. And I AM a normal woman, so this must have touched more than just me.

Essentially, the episode was about being sexually empowered and open until you're not. It was also about playing house. A phrase regarding faux intimacy that I have heard for years and always makes me want to break something. (I just think it's bullshit. If you want to stay at home with your new lover, make breakfast, read the paper and drink from your french press, then fucking go forth.) I thought the episode was fantastic. I related to it and it was hard to watch at times. It was all the things I like in a good show. Afterwards I went to my favorite recap sites to dive a little deeper into the episode. There, I noticed the slew of comments that Patrick Wilson--who is honestly talented, but just your average attractive actor working in tv and film today--was "out of her league" etc. and something just snapped. Fuuuuuck, people, really?! Even though we've been pairing fat assholes with beautiful wives on sitcoms for decades?!

And in my anger, I realized that I LOVE this show because of shit like this. That women who want sex still frighten people. And I'm not just talking about the "Samantha" stereotype. Sex and the City broke ground over a decade ago in its own way and it is interesting how out of date it feels now. It had its time and place like everything else. We did, for once, have a character who had sex because she liked it and mostly didn't want long term relationships. Great! True and real and thank you. BUT, Samantha was rich, attractive and also having so much sex I don't know how she had time for anything else (right, Wilt Chamberlain?). Dunham is different because she is normal. She is pushing the bounds because there seems to STILL be an unspoken rule that, as a woman, you must be hot, stick thin, and rich to want to fuck and have a story written about it.

I lived in Chicago for the first decade of the 21st century. I was in my twenties and single through most of it. And by single I mean that I had relationships that lasted a few weeks to a few months at the most. I hooked up with a fair number of people. Sometimes I cried over them, sometimes I didn't. I liked almost all of them or at least I did at the time. I felt I was progressive, a feminist, somewhat damaged and prone to make a lot of mistakes that I mostly learned from! That could probably sum up most middle class, 25 year-old chicks living in cities. But once about seven years ago, I propositioned a guy I was in a show with, who I was attracted to, and who was a self proclaimed ladies man. I propositioned him thinking that my forwardness would be a turn on. That I would be that kick ass lady who asks for what she wants. Yee haw! He told me no thank you because it made me seem desperate. He liked the chase. That's what was attractive to him...........???!!!!!!! Then I found out later he was fucking the stage manager.

ANYWAY, that still sticks with me because, after pondering the existence of Girls, what it means right now, and all the back and forth over it--THAT is what it makes me think of. THAT DUDE'S REACTION TO ME! Asking for what you want is a risk, true, and he had every right to turn me down. But it was so shocking to me because the rejection was for such a traditional, overly romanticized reason. And though I'm sure he didn't intend to, he made me feel not even like a slut (I barely put any stock in that word anyway) but an alien. It also made me think that I was doing something wrong. That who I was wasn't what men wanted. And then I thought, fuck! Why do I care?! But I did.

And THAT is what is fucked up to me. And why I think what Dunham is doing is important. Because views of female sexuality are still evolving in a wonderful way. Dunham has been asked repeatedly about her choice to be nude a lot on her show and she's admitted that she has body issues and that it's a bit of a compulsion to put herself out in the world like that. But I think it's great. We're living in the same world that still plasters airbrushed, underweight women on billboards. And even though we all know about airbrushing, we still allow these images to tell us who we should be. We still let advertisers sell cleaning products and Easy Bake Ovens to us. (Though I hear some advertiser finally put a boy in an EBO print ad).

I don't want to go over and over what many of us have been talking about for years. I attempt to put a fresh perspective out there in my view of the world. And I realize, and hope, that I'm not the only one. Hell, I'm not that smart. But Dunham is telling a story that so many of us experience everyday. And the fact that all this ruckus is being made about it makes me think that she is doing something right.

Use Me and Abuse Me, Just Don't Confuse Me

November was all about gratitude. But thankfully that month is over and we can begin to think about all the useless things we want, go out and spend more money than we have to continue to make this country great. Screw being thankful, I want a gingerbread latte!

But seriously, folks. As we move into the last month of the year, progress on the house is palpable. And this is pretty awesome.

Something that is starting to resemble a yard. 

Don't get me wrong, it's got a looooooooong way to go. But RJ has been balancing nicely the paying work with our house work. And with the clever installation of some florescent lights, he can work an hour or so past dark until it gets too cold to work comfortably.

Lighting without real lights! Or something...

Now Kate, you may ask, what are YOU doing to contribute to this home project of the century? Well, gentle readers, at first not very much. I'm not sure if I mentioned that back when we were just sniffing around the notion of purchasing this "house", RJ wouldn't even let me go inside. I walked around it and peered in through some cracked windows, but the house was pretty hideous. As I know I've mentioned, the previous tenant was a major hoarder and had let the house go into complete disrepair, except for a new roof--a project he must have undertaken during a period of self-motivation and sobriety.

Anyone need any styro insulation? Just kidding we need it all. (PS. I moved it all upstairs. Superstar!)

Also, when most of the clear out was happening, I was up in Boulder for the summer. RJ would send occasional photos of the filled up roll offs, and I briefly saw the work in progress when I came into town to close on the house. But honestly, I had just hit a deer with my car and was slightly distracted. I still went through the process of "smudging" the house--the hippie side of me was thrilled--to get all the sick, alcoholic, bitter, hoardingness out of the place. But this feat was achieved mostly by RJ's gutting the house of pretty much all of its former identity. I heard RJ tell someone recently that he only left six original studs--whatever that means--obviously coming from the phrase, "stripped down to the studs." But you may be surprised to hear, I don't actually know everything about everything! (Crazy, I know.)

When I returned to Creede in early August, RJ would ask me to help with certain things and I would instantly turn into a 6 year old, stomp my feet, pout and say butIdonwanna! This was mainly because I was so burnt out from the last year of almost constant out-of-town work (which in November I would have said I was grateful for but it's December now, so fuck that noise!) that I wanted to sit on my couch and do absolutely nothing before I was forced to sit on the couch and do absolutely nothing because of the hip surgery. I wanted to choose to do nothing, dammit! So, I reluctantly did a few things, like take nails out of boards and promptly step on one. USEFUL!

I also think part of the problem was coming home and seeing the huge mountain we would have to climb in order to get this house liveable. It really did seem out of reach. I know RJ was working on it when he could, but the house still looked like total ass. It looked like it might fall down if the wind hit it wrong. There were years worth of dust, old wallpaper, mouse shit, decaying carpet and wood just...out there. And it was gross. I don't claim to not be a city girl because that I surely am. But I also won't admit to being a girly-girl either. But this grossness was just sad. It made me sad. And I didn't want to have anything to do with it.

But that's changing:

This is peaking upstairs from the stairwell.

Blocking off the back of the house for eventual addition replacement.

There's a floor upstairs!

After a couple months of no work on the house, RJ has been spending at least a few hours a day on it. There's a second floor that's sturdy, a bottom floor that's sturdy. There is something resembling a front yard, clear of all the old broken down crap and wood storage, new windows, and yesterday, a wall that will eventually become the downstairs bathroom. Holy Fucking Awesome! And I too have been motivated. Even though I am unskilled labor, my primary tasks have been to clean up and organize. Play to your skills, right? This has actually been extreeeeeeemely satisfying. Because with every pile of old crap I throw in the dump trailer, new things can start happening. It doesn't take too long, gives me a little workout and RJ doesn't have to deal with it, so he can spend that hour creating a wall out of nothing.

Wall to future downstairs bathroom. Magic!

Why this change of heart? Part of it is because I've been out of work for almost four months. And living in Creede with nothing to do in the winter is quite difficult. I get the itch to go up to Denver every couple of weeks and, luckily, I have been able to escape either for auditions or hip doc appointments. But a feeling of uselessness has begun to take over and it's been great to channel this into our house. I needed to channel something into it because I think RJ was starting to think there was something wrong with me and my attitude. And he was right.

I just thought this looked awesome. Whoa, whoa, WHOA! Let this photo represent my attitude adjustment. (Though, you may need a Knox liberal arts degree to figure it out.)

Next year, it's looking like several months of acting work will be had and this excites me to no end. I still feel like the career I have chosen is my path in life. It still excites me and fulfills me in ways I can't explain. But as this four month recovery comes to an end, I am also reminded of the challenges this career presents to one's life and my slightly odd situation. It really is all about balance. If you spend too much time at home, you feel useless and unfulfilled. Yet, if you work too much, you can become disconnected from the things that balanced you in the first place. So, in the coming year(s), I look forward to finding a better mix of work and Colorado mountain home life. There IS a way to do it. I know it. Right...?

Now...Everyone DANCE!